Massage therapist, Iona Jones admits that she was nervous and anxious when she walked into the Phoenix, Arizona home. She entered a room of strangers who had gathered for one common purpose. To cuddle each other.

Jones had come to Phoenix to visit a friend on the way back to her hometown of Boone, North Carolina. She had left her work at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California and made the decision to make her journey home a road trip.

Her friend was hosting a cuddle party in her home that night and invited Jones to attend. 

“I just couldn’t understand how a group of strangers coming together to cuddle was going to be non-sexual or respectful,” Jones says. “I didn’t have a framework for that possibility.” 

That night Jones became a self-confessed wallflower, standing in the corner of a room. As Jones surveyed the group, she noticed there was another man in an opposite corner that seemed to share her level of discomfort. The older man approached Jones and asked if she had been to previous cuddle events and why she had come? 

Jones said no. She explained that she was staying at the friend’s home where the event was being held and was curious. After answering the questions, Jones asked the same questions of the man.

“He said, well my partner died about four years ago and I haven’t had any touch in my life since then,” Jones says. “He said I really miss it and I’m really lonely and I’m not looking for another partner but I still want to be held and I still want that connection.”

Jones says that answer made everything in her heart just melt and open. 

The cuddle party concept centers around consensual, platonic touch.

“Boundaries and integrity is what keeps this safe and what keeps it therapeutic,” Jones says. 

The cuddle parties are structured and begin with a welcome circle. The first hour of the event is devoted to context-setting container building and consent exercises. The group practices giving and withholding consent. After the exercises, the group then breaks into groups for “freestyle” cuddle time. 

That night in Phoenix, Jones ended up partnering with a man that night whom she says superficially at first glance, she would never interact with. Nevertheless, they partnered for an exercise. 

Jones had decided her boundary for the event was a foot rub. She admits she felt so much angst around expressing her desire to the man. 

“He just held the space for me so beautifully and just witnessed my experience and witnessed my struggle without judgement,” says Jones, adding that she is still friends with the man to this day. 

Jones says the exercise was a transformational experience. 

“It totally reframed my ability to communicate my needs and my capacity to validate what I want and recognize that it’s okay to set boundaries, it’s okay to communicate them,” Jones says.

The transformational experience resulted in Jones signing up for the facilitator training. Jones finished the six-month training through CuddleParty.com and started teaching cuddle parties in Boone, North Carolina. Jones says the phrase “Cuddle Party” didn’t feel quite right, so she rebranded the event. 

“I call it Snuggle Sanctuary,” says Jones, adding the atmosphere is similar to a sanctuary. “It’s a safe place to come and be raw and vulnerable and to be held.”

Jones has now been teaching cuddle therapy for almost two years.

The need for human touch and affection is needed now more than ever. In a time when everyone is technologically connected, physical connection is lacking. In a 2015 article for The Independent, Rebecca Harris states, “our growing reliance on social technology rather than face to face interaction is thought to be making us feel more isolated.” 

There are medical benefits as well. Adam Lippin, co-founder and CEO of Cuddlist.com explains this in his 2016 article for GoodMenProject.com. Lippin states that cuddling, “reduces tension and anxiety and relieves stress and pain by boosting Oxytocin and reducing Cortisol.” 

Snuggle Sanctuary Participant, Robert Barbour, says the benefits from his experience with the Snuggle Sanctuary began almost immediately. 

Barbour described the experience as, “A sudden and intoxicating shift from fear of vulnerability to a total trust and acceptance of myself and of the participants.”

While Jones was facilitating the Snuggle Sanctuary events, individuals approached Jones and inquired about personal sessions. The inquiries came from individuals who either wanted a more in-depth one-on-one time or from individuals who weren’t comfortable coming to the group events due to the extent of their trauma. 

“I’ve worked with people who have undergone horrendous, tremendous sexual abuse who have had no sense of being safe in their bodies in the world, much less with touch,” says Jones. 

From sexual abuse to insomnia, Jones meets with clients and addresses their individual needs. 

“To have a physiological, cellular restructuring experience of being safe, of being supported and what that does to our psyche and to our brains and to our chemistry is palpable,” says Jones adding, "It's so powerful.” 

Jones explains that there are some clients that are so disassociated from their bodies that they actually can't feel. In these situations, Jones says her work is to in a really gentle way establish a sense of “it’s safe to be in my own body,” and, “it’s safe to feel the sensations that I feel in my body.”

Before the individual sessions Jones prepares the therapy space by laying down a big, foam mat which is covered with blankets and pillows. Jones says she even has a giant, life-sized teddy bear. 

“We sit down we have a bit of a check in,” Jones says. She asks the client what they are looking for and what would make the experience most fulfilling. 

Jones says clients may cry, sleep or simply talk during sessions. For those that just want to talk, Jones takes on two roles during the session. 

“They just want to tell me what's going on and so it kind of becomes like a coaching / cuddle session,” Jones says.

For those with trauma, Jones says it’s definitely a process.

“It starts with letting them know that they're in charge, they're in control of what happens in the session,” Jones says. 

For one client that Jones has worked with, the difference is evident. The client came to Jones with a severe case of childhood sexual abuse and has never felt comfortable receiving any kind of touch at all in their whole adult life.  Jones has been working with the client for around six months.

“She actually has perception of sensation in places in her body where she did not have perception of sensation before,” Jones says. “Her entire demeanor and how she carried herself is completely different.”

The transformations don’t just occur with the one-on-one sessions. Snuggle Sanctuary participant, Tammy Thielemann says that the Snuggle Sanctuary became a safety net for both her and her sexuality. 

Thielemann, who is asexual, says seeing that the sanctuary was very professional and structured made her feel safe. 

Jones emphasizes how valuable it is to be met in this way, to be held and supported.

“I think the world needs this, I really do,” Jones says. 

SOURCE LIST

Iona Jones- Interviewed on April 13, 2018-Interviewed in-person.

Robert Barbour- Interviewed on April -Email Interview.

Tammy Thielemann- Interviewed by phone.

Helpful sources:

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/the-loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-than-ever-but-feeling-more-alone-10143206.html

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/d3gzba/the-life-of-the-skin-hungry-can-you-go-crazy-from-a-lack-of-touch

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/you-need-to-cuddle-someone-asap-dtv/

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/the-loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-than-ever-but-feeling-more-alone-10143206.html